“I don’t understand, how can people comment on something- they don’t have a grain of clue about? Surfing on net, skimming through some non-fiction books and importantly considering the regular cribs of folks around; will never-ever make you knowledgeable enough to twitter on a subject. You really need to be in the system to comment on the system otherwise it would just be like a dissipated airwave…shush! Shush! Shush!
There was an article by Karan Johar in the colored supplement of times – ‘Happily Married?’ (www.itimes.com/public/karanjohar/blog/Happily-Married).I shall not blame Mr. Editor for granting him a column on page 3 for his unanalyzed personal opinions under the block ‘Karan Affairs’. Shobha De and Pritish Nandy are others who get this privilege on weekdays. But I personally like their blogs for they are quite pragmatic, social and the subject is justified to be written about.I don’t follow any of them but would prefer following Pritish Nandy. I love all of them for their writing styles but I felt the need to drop Karan Johar for his not-so-trustworthy post this time. Shobha De would need to scribble more subjectively for the print media (newspaper) to gain the trust - so far I find her quite saucy in her writings.
Talking of the latest Karan blog: ‘Happily married?’ – I can’t convince myself even on the single sign he mentions about the cracking marriage. Let me justify what I feel, for the reason I am in better position than Karan Johar on this because I am Atleast married. Though, he has put a disclaimer on his non-marital status and it is modest but not reasonable enough to justify why he still continued writing on the subject. He claims to be keenly observant and quite instinctive – I am sorry Karan Johar but the subject is just too out of scope for your observation and you would never know the truth about-what happens between the two individuals in a spousal relationship, when they are not in gym or attending parties. I doubt if you have a married couple in your circle, who is sassy enough to confide in you about their wedlock details :-/
Disclaimer: I have no grudges with Karan Johar. I love his language and writing style. Just as a checkpoint that his blog doesn’t send out a pessimistic message to the spouses across the globe, I am publishing my piece as ‘Happily married?’ Version 2.
There are hundreds of relationship tests on net and magazines. But the point is, don’t take them seriously as they are all defend-able if you realize to be on the murkier side.I shall consider 10 signs (same as advised to be dangerous by Karan Johar) which doesn’t prove that your marriage is cracking-
First: If your husband owns both I-phone and Blackberry for no reason but liking and carries them everywhere including the bathroom. Probe!
The fact is that most of the guys are gadget freak; they love having not two but many freaky widgets around their necks. But playing mafia in the toilet doesn’t mean they are cheating on you but I am sure if any of the female population follows the obvious advice; the husband would prefer marrying a new gizmo than hanging the suspicious gimmick (you) for the life time.
Second: As the evening plan, your guy plans a movie instead of candlelight and be thankful to the
Again the fact that guys love watching
Third: Your girl becomes extra conscious about her figure and be regular to gym. Her efforts might not be for you but someone else. Probe!
I am not aware of a man on earth who doesn’t like to see his girl in shape? So, please don’t publish an advice which could lead to crashing of gym business in
Fourth: You both plan girl’s/boy’s night out frequently in an attempt to have drinks with friends and crib about each other. This could be escapism from sharing in marriage. Probe!
Before people started writing on sharing and marriage stuff; there was a search rage on the topics like friends and marriage or tips on sustaining friends after marriage. The reason being friends are the first thing you miss after you get married, so if you understand the need, it should be a pleasure seeing your spouse freaking out with buddies rather than analyzing the reasons of his/her doing that.
Fifth: God save me! This is the stupidest of all – if your husband is having frequent business trips on Fridays. Probe:)
Shucks! Karan, please come on the public lanes and know what the common man is facing. I have met folks who work in opposite shifts to survive the city inflation. They hardly meet on weekdays and still call it a happy family. No doubt! It is a happy family- being happy is not about staging your spouse till you find him clear - but understanding the small crunches and still calling it a trustworthy happy relationship. So, please strike off the point else
Sixth: Planning a vacation is a chore and you fight on when-where-how-how long. It seems to be not a vacation but a signed trip as both you doesn’t like to go out together. Probe!
If someone has ever planned a trip with a female friend would never raise this concern? Ask a couple what happened next – when they boarded the plane for the ‘signed trip’ and you would understand it was not a chore but a significant effort to plan the best.
Seventh: Your girl is seen crashing in every party in the city. She might be trying to shun her pains in a lush way. Probe!
Now with this advice you have taken all rights of woman to freak out and enjoy drinks. Drinking is not always about hiding the pain but celebrations too.
Eighth: Your girl starts confiding in her mother and speaks for hours with her. As mothers should be a last person to be aware of your marital affairs, Probe!
Grrrrr…I feel like blasting on this one. Now you want to restrict on my talking to mom as well. I won’t take that from a person who cries to be with his mom on all the award functions. Please ask for an opinion from your mother on this. And I don’t know who said that mothers are the last one to know of marital affairs?
Ninth: Birthday parties prove to be a curtain raiser for what you can’t see. You try avoiding each other in public. You don’t talk and hide from each other and get in the gossip lists. Probe!
Not talking on birthday parties and getting counted on the gossip list of the guests is no sign of crashing marriage. It is an individual’s personality-some could kiss in public, others prefer it behind the doors.
Tenth: You have nothing to share or talk about. The gap increases not only on communications front but in bedroom as well. Probe!
You have pasted all the reasons possible and evident of a broken marriage. Still defendable, a city housewife will not have much to talk about but Ekta Kapoor’s soaps and if she understands her husband’s taste and mood; she will not blither after her husband comes home after a long day at work. If it is about a working wife- it is understood and preferred not to talk more but save some energies for the intimate moments :)
So, the bottom-line is that I am a working wife and very happily married. I neither agree with Karan Johar’s opinions nor would I advice the spouses to count on his advices. My message for the spouses is –“Please work to dress your marriage for keep and not undress it by playing a bare-all test game.”