“Happily Married?” - Version 02

“I don’t understand, how can people comment on something- they don’t have a grain of clue about? Surfing on net, skimming through some non-fiction books and importantly considering the regular cribs of folks around; will never-ever make you knowledgeable enough to twitter on a subject. You really need to be in the system to comment on the system otherwise it would just be like a dissipated airwave…shush! Shush! Shush!

There was an article by Karan Johar in the colored supplement of times – ‘Happily Married?’ (www.itimes.com/public/karanjohar/blog/Happily-Married).I shall not blame Mr. Editor for granting him a column on page 3 for his unanalyzed personal opinions under the block ‘Karan Affairs’. Shobha De and Pritish Nandy are others who get this privilege on weekdays. But I personally like their blogs for they are quite pragmatic, social and the subject is justified to be written about.I don’t follow any of them but would prefer following Pritish Nandy. I love all of them for their writing styles but I felt the need to drop Karan Johar for his not-so-trustworthy post this time. Shobha De would need to scribble more subjectively for the print media (newspaper) to gain the trust - so far I find her quite saucy in her writings.

Talking of the latest Karan blog: ‘Happily married?’ – I can’t convince myself even on the single sign he mentions about the cracking marriage. Let me justify what I feel, for the reason I am in better position than Karan Johar on this because I am Atleast married. Though, he has put a disclaimer on his non-marital status and it is modest but not reasonable enough to justify why he still continued writing on the subject. He claims to be keenly observant and quite instinctive – I am sorry Karan Johar but the subject is just too out of scope for your observation and you would never know the truth about-what happens between the two individuals in a spousal relationship, when they are not in gym or attending parties. I doubt if you have a married couple in your circle, who is sassy enough to confide in you about their wedlock details :-/

Disclaimer: I have no grudges with Karan Johar. I love his language and writing style. Just as a checkpoint that his blog doesn’t send out a pessimistic message to the spouses across the globe, I am publishing my piece as ‘Happily married?’ Version 2.

There are hundreds of relationship tests on net and magazines. But the point is, don’t take them seriously as they are all defend-able if you realize to be on the murkier side.I shall consider 10 signs (same as advised to be dangerous by Karan Johar) which doesn’t prove that your marriage is cracking-

First: If your husband owns both I-phone and Blackberry for no reason but liking and carries them everywhere including the bathroom. Probe!

The fact is that most of the guys are gadget freak; they love having not two but many freaky widgets around their necks. But playing mafia in the toilet doesn’t mean they are cheating on you but I am sure if any of the female population follows the obvious advice; the husband would prefer marrying a new gizmo than hanging the suspicious gimmick (you) for the life time.

Second: As the evening plan, your guy plans a movie instead of candlelight and be thankful to the IPL season. The reason could be that he is avoiding talking to you. Probe!

Again the fact that guys love watching IPL and Gladiator is globally accepted. An action flick or the IPL season would be a trivial reason to conclude on the future of a relationship. Yes, if you can’t give him company then that is not his fault. You can keep cribbing about cricket or action flicks for rest of your life- God forbid you!

Third: Your girl becomes extra conscious about her figure and be regular to gym. Her efforts might not be for you but someone else. Probe!

I am not aware of a man on earth who doesn’t like to see his girl in shape? So, please don’t publish an advice which could lead to crashing of gym business in India.

Fourth: You both plan girl’s/boy’s night out frequently in an attempt to have drinks with friends and crib about each other. This could be escapism from sharing in marriage. Probe!

Before people started writing on sharing and marriage stuff; there was a search rage on the topics like friends and marriage or tips on sustaining friends after marriage. The reason being friends are the first thing you miss after you get married, so if you understand the need, it should be a pleasure seeing your spouse freaking out with buddies rather than analyzing the reasons of his/her doing that.

Fifth: God save me! This is the stupidest of all – if your husband is having frequent business trips on Fridays. Probe:)

Shucks! Karan, please come on the public lanes and know what the common man is facing. I have met folks who work in opposite shifts to survive the city inflation. They hardly meet on weekdays and still call it a happy family. No doubt! It is a happy family- being happy is not about staging your spouse till you find him clear - but understanding the small crunches and still calling it a trustworthy happy relationship. So, please strike off the point else India would be next America-in-making with maximum number of divorces registered.

Sixth: Planning a vacation is a chore and you fight on when-where-how-how long. It seems to be not a vacation but a signed trip as both you doesn’t like to go out together. Probe!

If someone has ever planned a trip with a female friend would never raise this concern? Ask a couple what happened next – when they boarded the plane for the ‘signed trip’ and you would understand it was not a chore but a significant effort to plan the best.

Seventh: Your girl is seen crashing in every party in the city. She might be trying to shun her pains in a lush way. Probe!

Now with this advice you have taken all rights of woman to freak out and enjoy drinks. Drinking is not always about hiding the pain but celebrations too.

Eighth: Your girl starts confiding in her mother and speaks for hours with her. As mothers should be a last person to be aware of your marital affairs, Probe!

Grrrrr…I feel like blasting on this one. Now you want to restrict on my talking to mom as well. I won’t take that from a person who cries to be with his mom on all the award functions. Please ask for an opinion from your mother on this. And I don’t know who said that mothers are the last one to know of marital affairs?

Ninth: Birthday parties prove to be a curtain raiser for what you can’t see. You try avoiding each other in public. You don’t talk and hide from each other and get in the gossip lists. Probe!

Not talking on birthday parties and getting counted on the gossip list of the guests is no sign of crashing marriage. It is an individual’s personality-some could kiss in public, others prefer it behind the doors.

Tenth: You have nothing to share or talk about. The gap increases not only on communications front but in bedroom as well. Probe!

You have pasted all the reasons possible and evident of a broken marriage. Still defendable, a city housewife will not have much to talk about but Ekta Kapoor’s soaps and if she understands her husband’s taste and mood; she will not blither after her husband comes home after a long day at work. If it is about a working wife- it is understood and preferred not to talk more but save some energies for the intimate moments :)

So, the bottom-line is that I am a working wife and very happily married. I neither agree with Karan Johar’s opinions nor would I advice the spouses to count on his advices. My message for the spouses is –“Please work to dress your marriage for keep and not undress it by playing a bare-all test game.”

Julie & Julia

“Lately I have come across the scenario of quitting job for writing. I understand there are many aspirant writers. But the point is, what is ‘that’ which makes them one?
Passion, laziness, easy money, unemployment, boring life, frustrations, pocket money or just like that? I am referring to the folks who are siphoning a requisite amount every month and are in to a 9 to 5 toil. I am one amongst the crowd the only difference being that I realize the fact that my non-passion offers me far more than what my passion could earn me. It would actually be a riskier investment because there are not many known writers- not counting on the unknowns as it would take a life to dig and add.

I am not denying; the passion for writing is incorrigibly pure and deep. A successful deliverable to my client is a pleasure for me but a mere duty. But a successful delivery of my thoughts on paper is far more satisfying than the former. It is at times, nourishing to an extent that I start considering the 2 hours of writing to be the most fruitful effort in timesheet over the 9 hours of servility in the air conditioned cabin.
‘I am’ anytime my most important client :)
My message is for all those pink pajamas like me who are ready to dump their creased trousers for their passion- Think again! Life is not too rosy as we think it is.
But there is a middle way which is riskier but not more than the option of quitting the job.
The idea is to resume the passion along with the servile necessity. The bet would be on the personal life, love and relationships. As a fact, true love never goes unpaid it will stay to support till the last moment irrespective of whether you win or lose.

I am pursuing my passion every day and night with my love by my side constantly supporting me in whatever I do. There are hiccups many a times because of multiple deadlines and I run short of my personal clock. But, since I have my love still there waking up whole night to keep me awake to stand on my commitments; it is a cake walk :)
Just like my life and many others, there is a movie on the same plot called “Julie & Julia”.
On one side is Julia of yesteryear who spent more than half of the age in nurturing family and then took up passion in the last few years. On the other side is Julie of today who balances family, work and passion betting on every important aspect of a woman’s life. Both have a supporting partner by their side but Julie is more aware and a bohemian in everything she does.
Girls! We need to dress up in Julie’s wardrobe and achieve everything we deserve out of our passions-nurturing our family and dreams hand on hand. I really recommend all the ‘to-be Julies’ to watch the flick to let the hidden passions fly.

Hyderabad-Indiblogger Meet 2010 – The first hand account!

“Finally the most exciting event in Hyderabad city came to an end- an hour ago(FYI : I am writing at 7:00 pm IST).I have just landed at my place and thought it is the right time to report as the memory is very much fresh now. In three words, “It was Fun”, do I need to write more?:)

First of all, Thanks Indiblogger team for conducting this one!

The event started at around 2.45 pm after the attendance was appreciable to begin with. The first thing we saw after entering the hall was warm and welcoming Indiblogger team in black tees. That is the attribute of a good host…kudos!

We registered ourselves and took our seats. I could see many familiar faces from Indiblogger portal like Renie, Anwin, Anoop, Balaganesh et al running around the hall to get the things in place. The set up was perfect to make the whole event interactive and fun-filled. The projector screen showed the attendees status and continuous twittering from the fellow bloggers. The event triggered with the introduction of the Indiblogger team from across the map. Not to miss the burqa guy running out part and the small petty teasing added a spice to the meet making it a perfectly garnished attempt!

Univercell guys stood at the back of the hall were indicative of a good monetary backing for the meet—food was of course a bigger indication though :)

It was surprising to find the varied blogging crowd in Hyderabad. There were hairy to grey-hair to no hair bloggers across the hall (this was one of the twitter during the 30 sec of fame session too!).The hall was for once full of grey matter unaware of the big things happening outside the venue. Scratch the back-live and let comment part was fun too- I was reading my sheet and remembering the faces who scribbled and I have bookmarked the blogspaces already!

I won’t write about the snacking part—that’s personal I would not like to count on the contribution to your checks. After we were stuffed with food it was very clever to have Riyaz waking up the crowds with the weird quizzing session. To confess, I didn’t know the answer to even one question or should I say, I didn’t understand any :(

After realizing that people around were 100 miles more updated than me—it was a limelight part. Renie decided to have a group pic kind of thing. It was 10 mins and the full picture was on the camera rolls. I bet the most memorable one!

I missed out a small but important detail-apart from the open forum and Univercell-official blogger event- there was a presentation on blogs for charity (contributed by ad4good guys) and a discussion on setting up an official Hyderabad Indiblogger group to make it a standalone fun from next time. The news can be caught soon on Indiblogger forums.

Lastly, the most awaiting part (after snacking though!) of collecting our tees happened and we left the place stuffed and dressed :)

I hope I don’t sound too selfish but Thanks team for giving us ‘Roti, kapda aur Makaan’ for 3 hours in the scorching heat of Hyderabad!

Cheers :)

Soulmate, Lover & Companion

“People spend half of their lives searching for a soulmate. They find lovers and end up feeling lucky finding companions. They are three different terms with different roles and shelf lives. I know, Shelf life is too lifeless a word to be used for relationship. But, relationships can be easily categorized that way.

I don’t know which one is short lived or for a lifetime. There are 3 videos from my favorite soap, which are the most touching and make me even more confused about the three terms-

First Video is about Carrie’s life being sand-witched between ‘shoulda’ and ‘woulda’. Carrie shifted to Paris for her new boyfriend leaving her friends and job in NY, Later, when she feels lonely because of the busy schedules of her boyfriend - she is on a swing, ready to consider Mr. Big even after three painful break-ups with him.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJgsdMuQF8I

Second Video is when after being heartbroken by Alexander at Paris. She finally believes the no-foul cry of love from Mr. Big and finally finds ‘the one’ for her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9rdTt5jIops&feature=related

Third video is about the unrealized love between Samantha and Smith. Samantha is too far from the soulmate talks and has materialistic feelings for Smith.

Smith on the other hand is in innocent and pure connection with Samantha.

Samantha is suffering from breast cancer. She is aware of the horrendous effects of the disease but unaware of Smith’s support for her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-UCQJiZNpg

The last one is the video which sings of the friendship saga of the fantastic four.

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLOmvYE0sQE&feature=related

I have completed all the seasons of SATC and am left with the question which messes the three terms. What is more important looking for a soulmate, winning a lover or finding a company?

Power of 'Restart'

“The idea of going crazy in the middle of the week is real fun only if there is no *conditions apply. I did the craziest thing on Thursday night - having a no-sleep; full-night time pass - all with myself.

Thursday was the busiest day this week lots of high issues and to-dos on the list. In such a horrendous situation, I really pray my clock sprints faster. I wished I could crash at that moment. Finally, not so fruitful but the day winded up as it would have been inhuman to myself and my husband to keep waiting for dinner later 10.The only relief was I didn’t have to do any home chores as my better half had already made a better plan for crashing at his friend’s house – it was an abrupt and assumingly approved plan. Reason- it was Easter next morning and a dear friend of his didn’t want to enter the 3 days moan unboozed ;) (I simply can’t beat guys; they have a million silly excuses for partying).

Anyways, I had a whole night to myself…initially I thought I would straightway hug my bed and sign off for the day. But, then on a weird thought I decided to be awake the whole night scrolling and clicking the mouse over the whole earth. I had in a way— ‘Restarted’ Thursday - differently- with no busy schedules and nothing in the to-dos- every minute at my command.

Till the time my husband was busy refreshing with Chivas Royale, I had refreshed living a second Thursday instead. He started Friday in a Friday night way (actually his way!) and I restarted the last day just to discover a new myself after a whole night of nothing.

Friday morning was a good start but I was lost in thinking of consequences of my last 6 hours adventure. I believe there are after-effects of everything and in this regard what happened was actually something. No sooner the question popped, my browser CRASHED!

Poor thing…it had an untiring schedule last night (my entire mistake—I ignored it for my selfish restart thing!!)

I squatted – dabbed- erased – copied – pasted - downloaded and played with all the settings to spin the Mozilla globe but in vain. My Mozilla had signed off for the day and it took along the Norton security as well. My lappy and I felt unsecured, lonely and shut down with no connectivity and security :(

I started for the Friday office with the obvious grin and concern. Because of a sleepless refreshed night and sleeping browser, I was lost in thoughts and then I got the big news. The internet had started working again and on more conversation I found that the browser too needed a ‘restart’ just like me.

I wondered on the power of ‘restart’…does it work for all tangibles/ intangibles like it did for me and my lappy? The experience helped me coin a footnote to be action-ed each time - ‘when things don’t go the way it should and all hopes are lost – It is advisable to RESTART’.